No kumbaya in the queer world.
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Welcome to the parallel universe of feminism. Sisterhood for all — unless you’re trans. That’s when you get removed from the WhatsApp group, banned from the rally, or kicked out of a women’s shelter with the words: “You’re not a real woman. You’re a man pretending to be a woman.”
Plot twist: that wasn’t a classical bigot. That was a cisgender lesbian, with a master’s degree in gender studies.
Pro tip: When you enter a feminist space as a trans woman, make sure to wear your emotional body armor. The gender police doesn’t always dress in uniform. Sometimes they wear a “Smash the Patriarchy” button and quote Simone de Beauvoir while scanning your body like a bouncer at a nightclub.
TERF is unfortunately not the abbreviation of Truth, Empathy, Respect, and Feminism. It actually stands for Trans Erasure Reinforced Forcefully1 — and sometimes just: “I don’t hate trans people, but…”
“you will never menstruate.”
“you can never be a biological woman.”
“your existence erases mine.”
Fun fact: nobody is trying to erase you. You’re just not the center of the queer world. And that hurts. Badly. And then, of course, there are our cis male gays, marginalized themselves, yet suddenly claiming top dog status in the diversity police force.
“I don’t hate trans people, but I’m attracted to real men.”
“Am I still gay if I date a trans woman?”
Spoiler: if you have to ask whether you’re gay enough to be gay while dehumanizing someone else, you’re simply an asshole.
Tip from hell: Your sexual‑preference fetish filter is not a free ride for discrimination. And your Grindr bio is not a scientific assessment. You categorize, you sort, you rank. Top, bottom, twink, daddy. Trans? Error 404: humanity not found.
You don’t want surprises in the pants, yet you constantly expose yourself. Muscles, opinions, toxic masculinity. And when someone dares to disrupt that order — like a trans masc without a six‑pack who reflects your own insecurities — you retreat into the “I’m just being honest” narrative and call it your preference.
Sorry Kevin, your problem isn’t “attraction” — it’s your fragile ego. And while feminists are still enthusiastically debating whether trans women should be allowed into women’s spaces because they supposedly endanger the exclusive right to oppression, the whole world is already on fire: abortion bans, femicides, queer hate under police protection. But hey, at least there’s a new podcast episode out, talking about “biological truth” and why pronouns are the ultimate threat.
Remember: not every feminist fights for women. Not every queer person is solidaric. Not every community is safe. And sometimes the aggression doesn’t come from the right, but from next door.
Another tip from hell: when yet another cis lesbian tells you to your face that you’re a man, just smile. And say: “Thanks for the secondhand biology lesson. You can go now — back to your exclusionary, safety‑first feminism.”
Note: just because you’ve been worn down by patriarchal violence doesn’t give you the right to throw others under the bus. Marginalization doesn’t give you a free ride for boundary violations. You can be a lesbian and still be awful. You can be oppressed and still be a perpetrator. You can scream “my body, my choice” and still deny someone else their bodily autonomy. That’s not empowerment. That’s a boundary violation dressed up as empowerment.
And yes, I see you. With your neckerchief, the Judith Butler quote on your coffee mug, and your rigid distrust toward anything that won’t fit your definitions. I know you’ve been hurt. But you chose to kick down. That’s not revolution. That’s just reenactment with remastered sound.
So: don’t give me that “I just want to protect women” spiel. You’re not protecting anything; you’re defending a territory that was never yours in the first place. And while you try to erase me from your feminism, you lose yourself in the very system that hates both of us — me for my gender, and you for your desire.
The difference between us? I want to save us both. You just want to be right.
- Just in case you really didn’t know: TERF stands for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist. ↩︎
Excerpt from “The Signature Trans Experience.” © 2026 by Jessica Krämer and Liz Anders. All rights reserved.