Fashion between visibility and invisibility.
Congratulations – you reached the first level of the trans experience: it’s time to get dressed. Not the way you want to, but the way everyone expects you to. Expected by your inner child, your primary care physician, the bus driver, the bank teller with the sad eyes.
Dress female, says society – but not too female, because then you look like a parody. Wear lipstick, but please not bright red. Wear dresses, but never cheap ones. Show your curves, but not the “wrong” ones. Ideally have none – or all – depending on whether you are looking for a job or a Tinder date.
If you have a penis, wear flared skirts. If you don’t, be ready to explain why you are wearing a hoodie anyways. People don’t want surprises – unless they pay for them in a seedy adult arcade.
Pro tip: ask your therapist early on how to dress “appropriately.” For a trans woman, self-expression is rarely a statement, but usually a violation of the dress code in this binary circus act.
By the way: Clothing can be dysphoric, euphoric, political, revealing, or just a darn piece of fabric. But for you? It’s a PR campaign. The cover letter to your right to exist. And if you dare to go to Safeway, without makeup and wearing sweatpants, be prepared to be sir-ed at the checkout, hear a kid ask if you are a clown, while your inner voice whispers: you should have at least shaved.
Take Note: You are not yourself; you are a silhouette. Welcome to your body. The world is your catwalk. The jury hates you.