In the past couple of years, I have made a lot of progress. Not only with my transition, but also regarding my mental health. I no longer doubt who I am, and I don’t second‑guess any of the steps I have taken. And for the most part, I have left the past behind me.
But when I sit at my desk, working and lost in my thoughts, I sometimes still forget who I am. As my mind wanders, I suddenly find myself startled, shadows of the past creeping up on me and my heart starts pounding. I catch myself wondering if this is all real, or if I am waking up from a strange (but beautiful) dream.
These moments are quite uncomfortable, and I need to get out of them as quickly as possible. And this is where the nails come in. Painted brightly, I notice them from the corner of my eye hundreds of times each day. Even without looking, I can feel the smoothness of the polish. These constant reminders of who I am help me prevent those moments of discomfort from taking hold.
In my head, I can hear my nails whisper: Yes, I am still here. Still me. Still trans. Still out. Still visible. And that feels really good.
Heartfelt hugs,
Liz